Jokes

There are all sorts of new services these days.  There is even a dial-a-prayer for atheists, who can call and get no answer. When you have fifty people of different opinions, what do you have?  A LIONS Club? Noah was standing at the gangplank checking off the pairs of animals when he saw three camels trying to get on board. "Wait a minute!" said Noah. "Two each is the limit. One of you will have to stay behind."  "It won't be me," said the first camel. "I'm the camel whose back is broken by the last straw."  "I'm the one people swallow while straining at a gnat," said the second.  "I," said the third, "am the one that shall pass through the eye of a needle sooner than a rich man shall enter heaven."  "Come on in," said Noah.  "The world is going to need all of you."

Anger Management from Lion Pam Burdick
	Husband says: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?’ Wife says: “I clean the toilet…” Husband says: “How does that help?” Wife says: “I use your toothbrush…”

Weird Dog with Human Teeth, by Lion Pam Burdick

TWO QUARTERS or a DOLLAR BILL, by Lion Marcia Newyear

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.' The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar. 'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!' Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?' The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!'